A Tribute to Fathers on Father's Day

A day removed from the national holiday that celebrates our fathers and father figures in our lives, I can’t help but notice some of the stark differences society has between dads and moms.

Like, I get a great brunch for mom, but dad gets a bbq. Mom gets flowers and dad gets a tie. We dress up for mom and go eat at an abnormal time of the day with foods that aren’t quite breakfast and not quite lunch. Dad gets shorts and a tee and water balloon fights and sits next to a grill cooking everyone else food.

The cool part is, moms and dads like it. Or so I think.

But the best part is, what some of us get to do on Father’s Day that others don’t. And that’s remember our dads.

While many get to spend time with their dad getting him a tie or Knick knack he’ll never use, wishing you could go spend time with your friends and enjoy more the company that comes over than dad himself, some of us only get to remember our fathers and our memory serves us.

We get to wish we had another moment to spend with him and wonder what kind of Father’s Day we would’ve had. We get to think of what we would be doing now and what we wish we could’ve said or done different. And although that might take us down a more drooping day, I’d like to encourage that we few think of the moments that dad made great in our lives.

With that said, I thought I’d share a quick moment about my dad.

My dad, aka Pops, was a cool cat. Strong Mexicano with lots of gusto, take no bull from you, but a big teddy bear all rolled into one. In his later years he turned more philosopher and admirer than in his early days. Which I enjoyed so much. Having conversations over the phone, listening to how he used to tell his friends about my travels and unique career path (which he wasn’t too keen on in the beginning).

Even when he passed 6 years ago March, his spirit gave me a great feeling and safety than sadness. Regardless of your relationship, one thing is for sure, dads leave their mark. Good or bad, no difference, just is. My dad left a mark on for certain.

One memory I’ll share is one that’s off the beaten path of memories of my father. But I feel it’s one that will make a point so clear about what I think dads are. I should note, this may not be the topic of conversation you were looking for from a Father’s Day post, but it’s the one I’m writing, so I hope you stick with me.

The setup.

Have you ever had the “sex” talk with your dad? Well I have and that’s what I visit down memory lane today. When Pops had the “sex” talk with me, it was probably the quickest conversation I ever had with my dad about anything. He wasn’t much of an emotional guy, so we never quite had those long chats about life or how we’re feeling, more like don’t do this or do that. Coming from a rough latino background, I could see why he learned to be so brash.

One day, I was coming home from playing withy friends at a nearby liquor store (they had an arcade machine there that we played for hours. No liquor involved), when my mom gave me the news.

“Your father wants to talk to you.”

She said it so strongly, I immediately thought I was in trouble. Did they find out I took money from their wallets to play video games, did I stay out later than my curfew, what could it be?

I should note, that if my mom is reading this now, I apologize for taking money from your wallet and staying out past curfew. You probably worried about me when I stayed out late and wondered why you couldn’t pay for groceries when you thought you had the exact amount at the time.

I digress.

I was freshman in high school and getting interested into girls, and sex education was the biggest rage in mid 90’s. Looking back at it now, I could see why it was on the tip of my parents tongue to have the conversation with their sons and daughter.

I walked slowly outside from the kitchen to the front door, which wasn’t long at all since we lived in a small apartment at the time. I see my dad outside watering the grass. This made no sense to me. We lived in an apartment, which meant the lawns were kept by the groundskeeper. But my Pops insisted on watering the grass every other day. I think it was his way of passing the time in thought, or just a need to get away for a bit from his kids. Either way, it was a sight that made me feel nervous upon approach.

“Hey Pops” I said in a very sketchy voice filled with anticipation and puberty. “Mijo, I think it’s time we had a talk” “Sure Pops. What’s up?” “You’re in high school now” “Yeah.” “Don’t come home with any kids.” “Ok” “Now go back inside”

That’s it! As I write this to you now, I can think about how difficult it must have been to have that conversation with your kid. You’re probably thinking now, how did that first sex talk go? Maybe you’ve given one, were given one or going to give one. That’s hard to think about. Being a tough Mexicano, he probably was thinking “What the hell am I going to tell this kid about sex?”

Just like that, I walked back into the house and the moment was over. I went back to my normal freshman childhood and he continued to water the grass.

In that quick conversation I can takeaway the difficulty my pops had to have a “hard conversation” with me. But most importantly, the care to give me advice on something that he felt would be life changing. Whatever the reason, it was said and for whatever reason, it is now a memory that I will continue to share with my siblings and family forever as a day Pops tried to have the Sex Talk with me.

When I tell it to my family now, we laugh about it. Then swap other Pops stories. Some Good some bad, either way just is. And to us few that can recall a memory of Dad, pops, whomever, we gain a moment to recall a past where we no longer get to have a BBQ or brunch with. But a thought and a memory linked with a smile or a frown. Our heart gets to feel the gain or the loss. And we get to be filled with an emotion that those with their dads here may not be able to.

So for you with your dads still here, give them an extra something that lets them know how you feel. Because one day, you won’t get that opportunity to.

And to us who have that memory. Remember, it’s not good or bad, it just is. And that memory is part of why we are here. Appreciate that you have the opportunity to get to breath. That get to cherish the moments you did have or alter it with a change of heart and mind.

Either way, I thank you Pops for the time I had with you in the physical. Looking forward to the time we get to have more talks again.

But one talk I won't need, is one about sex.

Cheers!

JG